Demasculinization … according to Webster’s dictionary it is the removal of the testicles of a male animal. Maybe that doesn’t quite explain what I experienced this summer … something a little more like “Where have all the manly men gone?”.
When most of you think of kites you probably have a vision of small children, running through fields with a cute triangle kite with bed sheet tails trailing behind them. The reality is that today’s kids know very little of kites. Most moms remember kite flying as a child and it required lots of running with that little diamond barely going any higher than ten feet above them. They remember it as frustrating, unsuccessful and a lot of work for very little reward. We were told this same story over and over again as young kids would enter our shop in amazement and we would ask “Do you like to fly kites?”. The moms would immediately answer, “We don’t fly kites. They never fly, always break and I don’t like to run.”. Dads, on the other hand, would pipe right up with a story of some awesome kite from their childhood and how they longed to recapture that incredible experience. The story always ended with “That kite was awesome. I love flying kites! I wonder why I stopped?”.
Men, from 30 to 60+, would enter our store with mouths and eyes wide open in excitement. They would scan the ceiling, then the walls, looking for the kite from their youth. Stories of great kite adventures would flow, eyes getting wider. They would ask about the kites, hold it in their hands, take it apart and just as they would start to ask the price … there she was! The wife! “You know what I told you before we even came in here – no kites!”. Eyes would close, smiles were turned upside down, shoulders dropped, feet shuffling, they would walk out of the store without a kite.
Now, I have to assume these men were still the main money makers in their family unit. I know women work – I worked every day of my daughter’s young life. But it’s very difficult to work full time and be a mom, so my assumption (I know – my assumptions get me in trouble every time!) is that the man is still the breadwinner. How has he lost the right to spend the money he makes?
One guy, maybe in his 40s, came into the store and immediately asked about a sport parafoil (the kites that look like parachutes that people can use for kite surfing, etc.). He stood in front of that section of the shop for a while looking at all the different options. He zoned in on one kite in particular. He asked a million questions. Jim opened the kite up, they looked at the craftsmanship, commented on the colors, marveled at the speeds. This guys was in love! He left the shop and said he would be back later. He returned in the early afternoon with his teenage son. He told his boy all about the kite. You could actually see the excitement building between the two. We joked how we would have to start charging him for visitations since he had spent so much time with this kite. He said his wife would be coming off the beach soon and he would bring her by. Right around dinner time he returned with his son, beach chairs and coolers in tow, and his wife. He approached the kite, arms outstretched, and as he reached for it, she held up her hand (like “talk to the hand”) and said “Don’t even!”, turned around and stormed out of the store. He slunk out, chasing her, trying to make things right.
Many men would say that they had to check with their wives to see if they could buy a kite – I understand checking with a partner if a large purchase was being made but these weren’t always super expensive kites, most were under $50. I know a lot of wives handle the budgets, but are the husbands that far removed that they don’t know if they can afford a kite? Do they just hand over their paychecks?
I observed one family in front of the Sea Ketch Restaurant that was right next our shop. They were discussing where they were going to eat for dinner and they stood in front of the menu posted outside the restaurant. The husband stated “I said I want to eat here tonight”. The wife then bent down to address the young children next to her and asked them where they’d like to eat. They said they wanted to eat somewhere else. The husband’s response was to literally stomp his foot and say “I want to eat here” as his wife walked away to the restaurant the kids chose. He stomped his foot in a temper tantrum! This guy looked like a business professional – he had silver streaked hair, wore a polo shirt and plaid shorts – he looked like he should be in control, but he obviously wasn’t.
I would guess for every ten men that came into our store wanting to buy a kite, three of the men made the decision to purchase one on their own and paid for it, two of the men bought the kite but made a big deal about hiding the price or putting it on a secret credit card, one man made the decision with his wife as they purchased it together and five men couldn’t buy a kite because their wives said no.
My guess is that these weren’t marriages where the wife makes more than the husband so she feels she has all the control – it just seemed that somewhere along the way that men had given up control.
I don’t want to blame the women because that makes the men victims! I don’t want to blame feminism because women needed to be treated equally and be respected. But did feminism kill the manly men? Has the rise of women turned men into boys??
I guess the roles I grew up with are stereotypical and obsolete, but there has to be a middle ground. Wives can’t be bullies and treat their husbands like children. But men can’t behave like children!
Adventures in Owning a Kite Shop 